FAMILY CONFLICTS AND CRISIS

MEANING OF CONFLICT

         A conflict is a struggle between two or more people who disagree. That struggle may be verbal physical or both. Conflict ranges from little disagreements between friends, and family members to violent battles between enemies. A family conflict is a struggle between two or more family members who disagree over issues. There could be conflicts between husband and wife or between siblings.

 CAUSES OF CONFLICTS IN FAMILIES

Conflicts can be caused by the following: 

SITUATIONAL CAUSES: Any situation that dissatisfies people can cause conflict. For instance, in families,

1.           When parent or parents show more love or attention to a child and neglect the others.
2.           When a husband fails to give his wife money for housekeeping
3. .            When children disobey their parents.

PERSONALITY DIFFERENCES: No two individuals are the same, not even twins. An individual difference arises from heredity and environment. Some people may be slow and quiet, while others could be fast, noisy, and outgoing. These different behavioral patterns can bring about conflicts in the family.  

POWER STRUGGLES: Conflicts can occur when people feel a need to be in control. Power is the ability to influence another person. Each person will struggle for power. This can occur between husband and wife. It can also occur between a younger and an elderly brother or sister. In some cases, a boy might try to show a girl that he is stronger than her.

MEANING OF FAMILY CRISIS

A family crisis is a situation that marks a turning point when things cease to go on as usual in the family. A crisis is a change in the normal way of life of the family. Crisis can be challenging; they need to be managed properly. 

TYPES OF FAMILY CRISIS

1. ARRIVAL OF A NEW BABY: The arrival of a new baby is normally a joy to the family but it can also be a source of crisis in the following ways.

          The father may feel neglected as the mother turns all her attention to the baby.

          Other children may also feel neglected and become jealous

         The arrival of a new baby means more pressure on family resources e.g. more money will be needed for the baby’s needs.

          It means more demand for the mother’s time and energy.

2. CLASHES OF PERSONALITY: Family members differ in their abilities, likes and dislikes. They also differ in the ways they react to situations. Some are fast while others are slow. Despite all the differences, they are expected to agree with each other and work together in harmony. However, when they disagree seriously, there may be clashes in personality, and family crises may occur.
3. LOSS OF JOB/ EMPLOYMENT: When a family member especially the breadwinner, loses his job a serious crisis results. Loss of a job could be a result of unexpected retirement, retrenchment, or redundancy, when the establishment is distressed and folds up in such situations family needs can no longer be met. For instance, the education of the children can come to a sudden end.

4. DIVORCE: Divorce means the break-up of a marriage. This is one of the most serious crises in any family. It is even more serious when children are involved and parents disagree with our custody. Divorce hurts husband and wife, children, and in-laws.

5. DEATH OF A FAMILY MEMBER: Death is traumatic. It causes severe emotional shock. The death of a family member may shatter the trust of the other members. For instance, the death of the breadwinner could mean the loss of hope for children’s education.

Evaluation:

•         State four causes of conflicts in the family
•         State methods of conflict resolution in the family

WAYS OF RESOLVING FAMILY CONFLICTS AND CRISIS

Conflict resolution is a process that occurs in five stages:

1.           Becoming aware of the conflict or problem
2.           Setting limits
3.         Arguing stage
4.         Negotiating and compromise
5.           Following up.

SOME IMPORTANT GUIDELINES IN CONFLICT RESOLUTION

1.    Use words that fit
2.    Decide to resolve the conflict peacefully
3.   Try to talk in a place where other people will not distract you or interfere with your efforts.
4.    When you talk, take turns. No one person should dominate the talking, every person must be given the chance to talk
5.    Use active listening and keep an open mind
6.    Show respect to the other person and recur respect from him/her.
7.   Control your voice, and tongue and speak the truth.

WAYS OF MANAGING FAMILY CRISIS

Arrival of a new baby

•         The family should plan and prepare properly before each new baby
•         The father and other older children should be involved in some aspects of child care.

Clashes of personality

•         Family should set family values, lifestyles, goals, and standards.
•         Where individuals have different value systems, the other members should know that the family must agree on how to accommodate such values.
•         Family rules should be acceptable to all members.

Loss of job/employment

•         Family goals will need to be reviewed.
•         Alternative employment must be sought
•         Family members may have to take on new responsibilities.

Divorce

•         The family members need to find ways of adjusting wherever they find themselves.
•         Parents need to agree on how to help the children
•         Children should be allowed to communicate with parents
•         Counselling can help.

Death of family members

•         Each family member should take responsibility for the things he/she can do
•         Family should spend more time together and encourage each other.
•         The family may have to change or modify some of the family goals.

Evaluation:

•         State the consequences of family conflicts
•         Explain ways in which family can manage various crisis